Posted by
RabbiHaim on Thursday, July 12, 2007 7:07:05 PM
I know I could do a better job. The first thing I would do is hire Steven Spielberg. We won World War II because of Popeye and all of the rest of Hollywood working for us. We did it at a time when Hollywood had nearly one millionth of the technological power it has today. Today we really could win the war very quickly, and here is my two part plan on how to do it.
As I began, first hire Steven Spielberg and have him produce films for the War Effort. Not Popeye again, though. This time I want to produce films of Zawahiri and Bin Laden. It should be a cinch to make a film of Zawahiri conceding defeat. A film in which we see and hear him in his own voice say that Islam and Al Qeda are both the wrong path. We can see him come forward and admit that Democracy and Freedom are what Allah really decreed. To cap it off we can have him standing in his camp and slicing of a piece of roast pig from the Bar-B-Que and eating it. Spielberg can do it so convincingly. He can do it so well that Zawahiri will believe he did it. I remember Forrest Gump.
A short “smuggled video” in which Zawahiri calls some of the leaders to come to visit him in which he gives the location and time of the meeting, would do wonders. I can see it now, in my mind’s eye. Why not? Are we afraid of offending him?
We could leak the “secret tapes” of Bin Laden in Guantanamo, where he has been since the first days of the Afghan war, to the New York Times and NBC. If we chose those outlets, they wouldn’t even have to be faultless. Those two sources never check for authenticity. We could easily prove that all the tapes, audio and video that have purportedly been released by Al Qeda were falsified and we can raid the studios in Afghanistan and arrest the actors.
Finally, Mr. Chertoff, I thought that you were on the right track when you said “I have a gut feeling.” When pressed, I would have given some raw meat to the dogs. I would have told them that we have infiltrated five Terrorist cells in Chicago but we are not arresting them yet, as we are building our cases against them. If pushed, I would tell the press about the six cells in Los Angeles and the five cells in Brooklyn. As an aside, I would then offer leniency to any cell members who were willing to come forward and turn “state’s evidence” against the other members of these cells. I would reply to further questions, that we have other cells in other location that we are aware of and that we are currently monitoring them closely.
In six to nine months the war would be over and Steven Spielberg could go back to hugging Lefties.
Secretary Chertoff, in war it is ok to lie.